Handling long distance marriage is very challenging especially for couples like us who just started married life. And so far I can say that we are doing a pretty good job in keeping our relationship in the right direction.

To those who are on the same situation as ours, here are some helpful tips that I found in the net on how to make long distance marriage work:

Accentuate the positive

Couples who appreciate the positive aspects of their separation are more likely to stay together, says Gregory Guldner, M.D., author of Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide (JF Milne Publications, 2003).

Add these perks to your list of positives: the ability to take advantage of career and educational opportunities, time to focus on personal growth and other relationships, and the exhilaration of reunions with your partner.

Stay close by communicating often

Maintain intimacy by calling, emailing, text-messaging, writing letters and surprising your partner with care packages.

Guldner suggests “date nights.” You can watch a movie or your favorite television show over the phone.

Or do what Thorpe does. “We’ll call each other when we’re having dinner, so it feels like we’re eating dinner together,” she says.

To whatever extent possible, share major decisions and day-to-day responsibilities such as finances. Thorpe takes care of paying bills; her husband does the investing. They tell each other about the moves they’re making, though, so the other’s not left in the dark.

Don’t ignore conflict

It’s tempting to postpone difficult discussions so that you won’t spoil a call or visit, but that can leave important issues unsettled.

“Phone arguments aren’t as satisfying as arguing in person,” Thorpe says.

Since they can’t rely on body language clues, she and her husband have a rule: “No sitting silent. You need to come back with an answer to something I say. ”

Never hang up on each other, either, and they always say “I love you” before ending a call.

During her long-distance relationship, Caroline Tiger, author of The Long-Distance Relationship Guide (Quirk Books, 2005), avoided fighting over email. “It’s too easy to misread meanings,” she says.

Minimize social isolation

Loneliness is a common by-product of long-distance relationships. Socializing is a good way to counter that, says Atlanta-based therapist Joyce Morley-Ball, Ed.D.

“Distance doesn’t mean that they stop living; they need to have a life,” she says. “Restart an old hobby, or start a new one. Get involved in the community. Do social, civic and spiritual activities. Take a class. Volunteer.”

If you feel awkward around happy, cohabiting couples, nurture relationships with singletons or, even better, find a fellow “long-distancer.”

“Companionship with friends helps strengthen your relationship and reduces the loneliness and depression reported by people in long-distance relationships,” Guldner says.

Handle the reunion

When at last you move in together again (or for the first time), the much-anticipated reunion might not live up to your happily-ever-after fantasies, especially if you’ve gotten used to the autonomy.

If one of you did all the cooking and cleaning during visits, you might struggle to establish a more-equal relationship. The partner who moves might leave friends and a career behind.

Talk about how things are going, spend time apart and with other friends, and plan dates to lend structure to together time.

By Diane F. Haddad
Content provided by Revolution Health Group

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